Home Social Seduction How to manage a long distance relationship ?

How to manage a long distance relationship ?

 

Who never wanted to figure out if a long distance relationship could work ? Who had never wondered if, after 2 years in a foreign country, everything will still be the same ?

For a long distance relationship, as for a normal relationship, the final result depends on each person and how you manage couple’s life.

However, there are some signs which never lie and if they are neglected, can lead constantly to a break up. There are 3 big phases that bring slowly a couple to a tearing. Theses 3 big phases are quite the same in all types of long distance relationships (and even sometimes in normal relationships, but that’s another story). Through these lines, examples are often coming from the man’s side, but can easily be interpreted from the other side.

 

In which type of long distance relationship am I ?

 

There are three different kinds of long distance relationships:

 

 1) The native long distance relationship

      Last year, you went to Cuba to visit some nice places. During a party, you met THE perfect guy / girl. Funny, smart and smiling, you fell in love at first sight. Day after day, you spend your holiday trip together, telling about each other life, your passions. The only problem is that you live in New York and him / her in Chicago. You don’t want to stop this love story at a simple holidays flirt and you decide to continue to see each other after the holidays.

      You know that if you book your flights at the right period, you’ll have very low cost. And you’ll be able to see each other, at least every month if you are motivated and implied.

      This type of relationship don’t present big problem and can work during a long time knowing that you only knew that with the other person. (A born blind person doesn’t have to get used to be in the dark knowing this person doesn’t know what is to see, to the opposite of a person who lost its vision during life).

      Until the day you’ll have to find a solution to be definitively together, but that’s another story.

       

      2) The forced long distance relationship

       

        You’re in couple for 4 years and suddenly, your lover who had no job finds a very good job at 300 miles away.

        On the one hand, his /her carrier can be boosted by this unique offer, but to which price for your couple ?
        “Don’t worry, with the plane, we’ll see each other very often !” “I’ll come back every week-end !”…
        Your lover doesn’t have the choice and has to move.

        In the beginning, a feeling of lack will be felt, you’ll see each other as much as possible. You lover will continue to look for a job in your original region and you, on your side, will try to find an interesting job near the place the other person moved. But it’s not as easy as we can imagine. Leaving a place where we lived for a long time, where we have our family and friends, can be very difficult.


        3) The chosen long distance relationship.

          It’s a very tough relationship, which usually doesn’t last for a long time.  It’s been 2 years that you’re in a relationship, your lover wants to travel, she / doesn’t feel enough implied in your love story and
          not enough bloomed in his /her life.
          Usually, the person is situated in a transition period (between two years of studies, two jobs, … ) and decides that it’s time for a foreign trip. “Everything will be fine”. Your lover wants to visit Canada and to find a convenient job there before going back to school or to work.

          You can’t follow her, you’ve got a job and you can’t (don’t want to?)  let everything behind you.

          But your lover has taken his / her decision, nothing can change his / her mind. From here, you can have a little idea of what your lover thinks about your relationship(don’t say the opposite, that would be a lie and you know it well !). You and your friends will be surprised how fast your relationship will end.

          Obviously, theses different types of relationships can be adapted to different situations. These three example come from personal experiences and testimonials.

           

          The three phases

           

          Depending on people, the long distance relationship can be well lived, or not. The relationship quality will decrease when the first phase will be reached :

           

          Phase 1 : The jealousy / anxiety 

          This first phase is the longest and is composed by several symptoms which will give us the possibility to situate ourselves.

          “Where were you last night ? What did you do ? Who is this guy / this girl on the picture ? Why did you add him /her on facebook ?...
          Theses questions remind you something ?

          Jealousy is often considered as an evil and negative feeling. However, jealousy is an emotion like any another and allows us to be more informed about our needs.

          The thing which is dangerous is the behavior of people having this feeling. At the beginning, it can be funny, you think it’s a proof of love. But after a time, both begin to suffer from it, especially because it’s not true and creates fights on nothing.

          Your phone calls will be only directed on each toher activities and how the other felt about the people around him / her. Generally, this kind of conversation ends on a fight. The funniest is that you thought that it will never happen to you, because you are stronger than the others. However, it happens, how come ? Maybe it’s not so bad that in the previous examples, but it remains unpleasant.

           

          Phase 2 : Indifference 

          Your mind knows how to cope alone. When you feel an extreme pain, your brain disconnects in order to avoid the pain and you faint. Some torture methods included the use of a defibrillator when the victim was about to faint. This way, the poor person couldn’t miss a thing from its suffering. We can do an analogy with human love behavior.

          Jealous is a feeling, an emotion that we generally want to avoid or refuse. There are not many options to get rid of it. Some people manage to do an effort of rationalism and simply trust in the distant partner. But that would mean that they manage to avoid the phase 1 and not many people manage to do it. Generally, in order to avoid jealousy, people will replace this emotion by indifference.

          Be careful, indifference is very different from the trust.. Indifference means a lack of interest. In other words, you’ll simply think that your partner does whatever he / she wants. If something has to happen, it will happen and you can’t do anything about it.

          This non-feeling is just a mask which covers jealousy. After a time in phase 2 (the longest phase), you’ll fall in phase 3.

           

          Phase 3 : The loosening 

          By dint of experiencing indifference, we begin to really mean it. And finally, when your partner will come back, it won’t be the same again. You’ll feel that you don’t fit anymore, that you have taken two different roads. This third phase is quite all the time irreversible. You have to be very brave and patient to get out of it without breaking up. Basically, when you get to this point that means that you want a break up but you’re not brave enough to assume the decision.

          You don’t feel desire for the other person anymore but you live on the memory of the past. But one day, you or your partner will be brave enough to stop this situation which doesn’t lead to anywhere.


          Conclusion

          In conclusion, I would say that those lines can’t be considered as a manual imply because the different situations possible are too complex. I just tried to group some similarities between different experiences and can be used as a landmark to get faster an awareness of a bad situation.

          These three phases really exist between they were experienced by many people around me. A long distance relationship can be hard to manage, but sometimes, with the good goals and good mentality, a long distance relationship can be a success.

          Mokes