How to properly manage a long-distance relationship

Who hasn't wondered if a long-distance relationship would work? Who has never wondered if after these 2 years abroad everything will still be the same?

For a long-distance relationship like any other type of relationship, the end result will depend on each person and how the couple is handled.

However, there are a few unmistakable signs that if overlooked can inevitably lead to a breakup. There are three main phases that will lead a couple to heartbreak. These three major phases are much the same in all types of long distance relationships (and even occasionally in relationships that are everyday relationships, but this is another chapter). Throughout these lines, the examples remain very oriented towards a masculine side, but can very well be interpreted towards a feminine side.

What type of long distance relationship am I in?

There are three types of existing long distance relationships:

1. The native distance relationship.

You went to Cuba last year to do some sightseeing and enjoy the beautiful landscapes. In the middle of a neighbors party, you met THE perfect guy / girl. Funny, intelligent (e), smiling (e), magnificent, you fall under the spell.

Little by little, you spend your vacation days together, telling each other about your lives, your hobbies and browsing your personal CVs. The only problem is that he / she lives in Toulouse and you in Strasbourg. You don't want to stop on a simple love vacation and offer to continue seeing each other outside the island of Cuba.
If you do it well in advance, TGV tickets will not cost more than a shopping session at Kiabi. And you can continue to see each other, to know each other, at least once every two weeks if you are motivated and involved.

This relationship will not present any problems and can work for a long time since you have only known this with this person. (A person blind from birth does not have to get used to not having sight since they never had it unlike a person who becomes blind overnight).
Until the day when a solution will have to be found to be together for good, but that's another chapter.

2. The forced long-distance relationship.

You have been in a relationship for 4 years and suddenly your partner who was unemployed is offered a golden place in the capital. On the one hand, she sees her career developing, but at what cost? "Don't worry, on the train, we'll see you often!" "," I would come home every week end "etc. She doesn't really have a choice and has to move.
At first, a feeling of lack will be felt, you will see yourself as soon as possible. She will continue to look for a job in your region of departure and you may be waiting for a transfer to join her. But it's not always that simple. Leaving your region, where you usually have your whole life, requires a great deal of thought. Here, she had to find a job.

3. The desired long-distance relationship.

A very thankless relationship that won't last very long. You have been a couple for 2 years, your friend wants to travel, does not feel invested enough in the relationship and not fulfilled enough in her life.

She is generally in a period of transition (between two years of study, between two jobs, etc. ..) and decides that it is time to make a stay abroad. " Everything will be alright ". She wants to go see Canada and find a little job there while waiting to go back to school. You can't follow her, you have a job, and you can't leave it all behind like that. Nothing helps, she wants to leave anyway and is ready to take all the risks.
At this point, you can have a vague idea of what she thinks of your relationship (don't say otherwise, that would be a lie and you know it very well!) ... You and those around you will be surprised by the how quickly this relationship ends.

Obviously these relationships can adapt to situations. These three examples are drawn from personal experiences and testimonies.

The three phases

According to the people, the relationship can go wonderfully. Our parents were separated for over a year (military service required) and yet we were all born. But times have changed as have mentalities.

The relationship will begin to decline when the first phase is reached:

Phase 1: Jealousy / Worry

This first phase is the longest and contains several symptoms that allow you to locate it. "Where were you last night?" What did you do ? Who is the guy / girl in the picture? Why did you add it to Facebook? Etc. »Do these sentences mean something to you ???

Jealousy is often seen as an unhealthy and negative feeling. And yet, jealousy is an emotion like any other, it helps us find out about our needs. What is dangerous is the behavior of people who have this feeling.

At first it's cute, but with force for one of the two parts of the relationship, it will quickly become suffocating and unbearable. Your phone conversations will only focus on the other's activities and how they feel about the people they spent their Saturday night with.

Usually, these kinds of conversations end with a cold, or even an argument. Who has never seen these perfectly illustrated reports on TF1? Of the woman or the man who scrutinizes the slightest deeds and gestures of his / her partner? Remember, you were the first to yell at your screen saying but he / she is totally nuts. You imagine yourself in the place of the person who has to go through this and you tell yourself that never in your life it will happen like that for you. And yet ... what is happening to you ?! Maybe not at this stage of course, but still quite painful in a certain sense.

Phase 2: Indifference

Your mind knows how to fend for itself. When you experience extreme pain your brain shuts off to avoid feeling the pain caused, you pass out. Some methods of torture involved hooking up a defibrillator to the victim to send a shock as soon as the victim's heart started to slow. That way, she wasn't missing any crumbs from the show. We can make an analogy with human love behavior.

Jealousy is a feeling, an emotion that we generally want to avoid or refute. There are not many solutions to get there. Some people who manage to ignore all this simply trust their partner, but in this case phase 1 would not be reached. In general, to avoid feeling jealousy, you will replace this emotion with indifference.

Be careful, indifference is not trust ... Far from it !! Indifference means having an absence of interest. In other words, you will just tell yourself that she is doing what she wants, if something has to happen it will happen and there is not much you can do about it.

This non-feeling is only a mask that covers jealousy, a technique for "shunting" jealousy. After a certain time phase 2 inevitably comes phase 3.

Phase 3: Detachment

By dint of feeling indifference which in phase 2 is only a self-defense system, we start by really believing what we think. And in the end, when your partner comes back, it won't be the same. You will feel that you will no longer match, that you have taken two different paths. This third stage is 97.5% irreversible. It takes a lot of courage and patience to get out of it without going through a breakup.

Usually when you are at this point somewhere you want it to end, but the decision is too hard to make. You don't want him / her anymore, you prefer to look at other people on the street but you still love him / her despite what you think.

And one day, you will have enough guts to put an end to this situation which is no longer leading to anything and you will be able to take off again. Once you realize what is going on, this phase will end quite quickly, but it takes a long time to realize it.


In conclusion, I would say that these few lines written above cannot act as a manual because quite simply there cannot be a manual on this kind of subject. Everything is different from one person to another, but these lines bring together similarities between several stories and can serve as a benchmark to perhaps realize something more quickly and avoid wasting time or breaking up your relationship.

These three phases exist and are not the fruit of the imagination of a jaded and frustrated author. A long-distance relationship is difficult to manage, but by hanging on and with patience, we can get through this ordeal ...

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